Windy Time Twilight
by Cutiepie Cornpuff
Summary: /Humanstuck AU./ About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Dave was a homosexual. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how potent that part might be - that thirsted for my manhood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably not a homosexual. /Pepsicola, slight Windicuffs./


**(A/N: **So this is my first official fanfiction on this site. I am so proud of myself for finally coming up with an idea that might actually turn out to be a good story. I will warn you, however, that this fanfiction will make great fun of the book _Twilight, _so if you enjoy the book I'm not sure if you'll enjoy this somewhat parody. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this and I would love all of your support! Please follow, favorite, and review~! - Tanuki**)**

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I'm John Egbert.

My mom passed away not to long ago, so I'm moving in with my new adoptive dad. We were sitting in his rickety truck, and had been driving for a pretty long time. I wasn't sure how long, I just wanted it to be over with. I guess I didn't really mind starting over, but I didn't like the idea of having to make new friends - well, it's not like I had that many friends before, anyways. They were mostly online, so it wasn't too much of a big deal.

Where were we headed?

Houston, Texas.

Population?

I don't know, and I don't really care to know, either.

As my dad drove down the long, country roads, my mind wandered aimlessly. I thought about what exactly our new house would look like, what kind of people would live in Houston, what school would be like, and most importantly, what events would happen that could actually develop an interesting plot in this story besides me narrating inside my own brain. It certainly seems boring at first, but I promise it gets better.

Once we finally reached Houston, my eyes were met with a not-too-shabby looking two story house. It looked pretty normal, from the outside, at least. I hopped out of my dad's truck and examined it closer. As I began looking around the yard and whatnot, another car pulled into the driveway. Both the driver and passenger side doors opened. The driver looked like an older man, looking like he could be my grandpa. He wore a snazzy explorer's hat and had quite a unique mustache. However, what really struck me was the boy who came out of the passenger side (this is where it gets more interesting, I swear).

His hair resembled mine pretty closely. His glasses were the same as mine, too. However, he seemed to be older and a little bit taller. Also, his butt seemed to be more toned- not that I was looking at his butt! That's just what guys do sometimes. I am definitely not a homosexual, if that's what you were thinking.

Okay, anyways, the two of them walked up to my father and I. The old man spoke first. "Pipe fan! It's good to see you, ol' chap! Ya went off on a little adventure and picked up that one, aye?" He nodded towards me and I shuffled my feet awkwardly. The man simply laughed and held out his hand. "I'm Hass, but most people call me Grandpa," I shook his hand and he gestured towards the other boy, "and this is my grandson, Jake. He's sort of like my post self, if ya know what I mean? We're quite the same." The old man chuckled and the Jake character's face turned a shade of pink.

Hass and Dad began talking and walked back towards the house, leaving Jake with me. He smiled, showing a set of pretty attractive teeth - again, I am not a homosexual. It's just a common thing to observe on a person. Any who, he held out his hand and I shook it. He had a strong handshake. "Like he said, I'm Jake. Jake English." His Australian accent stuck out like a sore thumb - not that this was a bad thing, of course.

I nodded. "I'm John, John Egbert."

"So, he's your adoptive father?" Jake asked, "He's a pretty nice guy, known him since I was just a little thing, having my adventures in a sandbox."

I laughed. "Yeah, he is pretty cool, I'll admit." I looked back and saw both my dad and Hass conversing like there was no tomorrow. I then brought my eyes back to Jake. "And he's your grandfather?"

"Yep," He replied, flashing another whitened smile, "I've learned from the best."

Hass walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Well, my boy, right now we've got to run." He shooed Jake along, obviously wanting to get going. Jake's cheeks turned pink again.

"Well, I'll see you around!" Jake half-shouted as he rushed into the car. It seemed that his grandpa was in quite a hurry, though he wasn't sure why. I watched as the car drove away and off into the distance. That Jake guy seemed pretty cool.

Dad gave me a quick half hug, and then gestured toward the house. "Want to have a look around?" I nodded, nearly running up the porch stairs. I was anxious to see how the whole place tied together. Once I entered, everything seemed average, which I was okay with. It wasn't too small or too big; it was just right, actually.

I headed up the stairs, and took in my room. The walls were blue, and so were the bedsheets, which was a plus all in itself. There was a dresser for my clothes, a bookshelf for books (but who reads anymore!), a night stand with a tiny little lamp, and a desk with a laptop and pesterchum already installed.

"Do you like your new digs?" Dad asked, trying to use 'hip young lingo.' I nodded, not even commenting on how terrible that had just sounded. I walked into the room and took a seat on my bed. I needed a minute to take it all in. "I'll go get your things," Dad said, leaving me alone to rest for a moment. I kicked back with my hands behind my head and stared at the beautiful blue ceiling.

The placed seemed normal, average, and I loved it -

- but boy, was I wrong.


End file.
